First of all, you have to understand that a child does not do anything to annoy you, whatever he does is like a cry for help. He doesn’t know how to make you understand a discomfort that he feels.
Evolution of habits
Two or three generations ago, children were not allowed to speak as they wished, and even less at the table, (they wouldn’t even dare to think about it), some of them were even so polite to their parents, using for example Mother or Father instead of Mom and Dad, and that was not a long time ago.
So, these few decades have seen the evolution of the customs and we could not or would not want to return to the times when women did not have the right to open a bank account, alone, or had to have the consent of a father or brother to have the right to work.
This evolution of habits also impacts the life and development of children. In a society where it is necessary to remain calm and composed all the time, where is the place of the child? In an environment that is too restrictive, children need to break down the limits and be able to live.
Hyperactivity, for example, does not exist in some countries, it only exists in developed nations! In these countries, children have the “intellectual” space to play, experiment, run around, make noise and to have fun with friends.
In developed countries, they are put in front of the television or with a console in their hands and the children develop all alone in a virtual world! They no longer know how to play and let their imagination create their own worlds.
Take the time to listen to your child.
Our lives today are not simple, we have to juggle everything around, we are completely scattered, and we have less time to devote to our family and ourselves.
We have our heads in the sand, too much stress and this child who is not “easy” enough for our way of life, our society. Not easy!
What the child really wants is to spend more time with his parents, to feel that he is important in their eyes, to feel that he has a place in their lives. What is most important to them, is to feel that they have a place in their parents’ hearts. But that is complicated when there are brothers and sisters, work to do, a house to maintain, shopping…
When speaking of taking time with your children, it does not mean 24 hours a day, even just five minutes a day can be enough. But these 5 minutes are of great importance since it gives your child a sense of security and benevolence, and to be honest 5 minutes of your day is not that much. 5 minutes, just for them, exclusive and fully lived. Tell the other children that they will also have 5 minutes just for them.
During this time, put away any phones, screens or television, the child will understand that it is THEIR time, THEIR place. They will then have the feeling of being respected and listened to.
5 minutes to talk about school, their friends or their lovers, whatever, or to play a little game with them. Take your children’s words seriously because they will tell you what is going on in their heart.
It is a great proof of trust, and they need your help.
At the beginning it will be a bit hard, but as the child gets used to expressing himself, they will open up more and more.
As parents, it is absolutely necessary to remain benevolent and empathetic. Never make fun of a child’s feelings. Let them speak freely when growing up, this allow them later in adult life to be able to clearly formulate their desires, fears, feelings and doubts.
Focus on the well-being of your family.
Whatever you do is for one purpose only, the well-being of your child and of your you together as a family.
So, whatever you do, you have to keep your goal clear, which is to make the child feel better. If they feel heard, they will automatically feel better.
You have to calmly explain to them, with love, that there is another way to express themself, to make their doubts and fears clear, and that you understand what they try to communicate, but that their approach could be improved or completely changed. It is a lot of work that requires kindness, gentleness and a lot of patience.
You will have to act as a guide for your children, one thing that might help are some relaxation methods, to calm down and find their inner serenity that they miss, lost or in some cases never even had. Some children tyrannize their parents, by dint of their parents when they don’t set any boundaries when the child acts up. Over time the child will get used to this and get the feeling that they have power over their parents. Some children tyrannize their parents who doesn’t react anymore on what they’ve done today but adding today and all every day before
A little tip:
The blank page technique. Before getting up, Imagine a blank page that you will scribble completely in black, representative of all the negativity of the day before and your future’s insecurities, run it through some magical printer which erases everything and gives you a blank paper back. This simple mental exercise will allow you to unload everything that happened the day before and ease your fears for the future.
It takes only two seconds, but it will greatly improve your day. Carpe Diem, Carpe Horam (pick the day, pick the hour) we can only deal with today, and meanwhile prepare for a better future.
Your three key words are benevolence, patience and perseverance.
I know it’s not easy, but it works. As a parent you have to start a positive and the children will follow you without any problem.