It is often said that you have to be born 2 times, once by your mother, once by and for yourself.
The first birth is already a shock for the child, we move from a protected environment where we see the world only through the eyes and maternal emotions to an environment where we have to breathe alone, where the feelings come to us live.
In short, a shock, even if the birth is done in the best conditions. Even in a family where the child is pampered, he still grows up with a straitjacket, more or less rigid (attention: I do not advocate in any case laxity, nor family authoritarianism) but straitjacket anyway.
Family history is an integral part of the child’s education.
I will give you an example: Imagine in Provence my grandmother, when she was a young teenager of 14 years at the beginning of the war 39-45, her parents were afraid that a German make her misery, so they’ve forbidden her to go out alone and so that she was suspicious, inculcate in her the dangerousness of men (not wanting to stigmatize the Germans). In addition to the Catholic religion still very implanted in my family at that time so anyway the girls stay at home. The fear was quite legitimate and very real.
My grandmother, at the end of the war, ends up meeting and marrying my grandfather, they will have 4 children, and educate them as best they can in these post-war years. Children grow up with the same education. That is to say, my grandmother gave her children the best of what she received from her parents, the fears, the unspoken words, the prohibitions …
My mother meets my father (and a few months later: hello I’m here) and still transmit the same education…….
What is valid for me, is valid for you. This is called a chain, which starts from real, palpable, legitimate fears or values and which spreads to several generations without anyone noticing it and stopping it.
To be reborn it is necessary to begin by cleaning these chains; In each family there are several, which is quite normal since we have 2 parents who also have 2 parents and so on … These famous chains can go back 7 generations. During the work we will do together, we will go back to 4 generations to make aware some family chains that are obsolete today, in order to cut them and free you from them. You have to see them, understand them to liberate them. (There may be some around alcoholism, drugs, lack of love, absent parents, men you can’t count on…. and especially all the conséquences that ensue).
Well, that’s already a good start!
Then, to be reborn, we must free ourselves from our own education, the one we have made over the years since our birth. This means that we must be aware of the significant events that have marked our past, the past of 5 minutes, 10 years or 50 years ago.
Our unconscious has no notion of time, it happened, that’s all.
He keeps everything in memory, in emotions, everything remains relevant, even what hurts you, until he is told that it is obsolete. Your mind then makes a kind of update, like a hard drive, keeping what happened but relativizing the representation of the event, and therefore the power we give it in our lives.
Understanding the notion of representation is essential, we keep in mind a kind of virtual image (or film) embellished or degraded of a past event. Depending on the role we play in this event, according to the context, according to the people around us at that moment, according to the degree of personal, felt, or imaginary fear…. The representation we will make of it will be more or less important and disabling.
Then we must tame who we are inside ourselves with a well-nourished ego, without false modesty to be reborn. Most of the time, what we hide, well buried inside since we were born, is the best part of ourselves, like a treasure. Some hide it because they are simply not aware of it, others because they fear it will be stolen.
None of that! What’s inside is yours! This is who you are, quite naturally; So, no one can steal it from you. We evolve throughout our lives, so we learn thanks to brain plasticity which is the ability of brain connections to be made or undone according to the use we make of them.
In Provence it is said that “the old woman did not want to die because she learned something every day”. Thanks to the more or less traumatic events of our life we evolve, to get out of it we must do something with it.
It is resilience that is “the ability of a person to adapt, following a trauma”, “it is the ability to live, to succeed, to develop in spite of adversity” – Boris Cyrulnik